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| It has been forever and a day since I have been here. It has also
been so long since I have written anything. Oddly enough it feels
like its been forever like I have had anything to say. I wonder
at this, I mean there were days when pages were simply to small and
then I go for what feels like months and not write anything. The
busyness of life has taken hold of me. This I think is a sad
thing for me considering I write music about prespectives and choosing
a better day for myself.
Deep inside I know what I have been missing... communion! Its
that simple. I know that I have read the bible. I know that
I have prayed heartfelt prayers. I know that I have sung in front
of the church, but I also know that I have not acted on Gods
heart. I have not chosen to live out his heart. Partially I
feel like have not had opportunity. I mean I work full time for
gosh sakes. There is not much time left when you get off at
5pm. I mean ya sure you can go home and then do something, but I
don't want a sectioned life. I don't want work to be something
that I do outside of the heart of God... And I don;t want my time when
I get home to be that either. So herein lies my dilema... How to
live out the heart of God both at work and at Home. Both in a
"Christian" place and a place where Christ should feel at home...
Journey towards the possible...
T.J.
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| The Embrace
A sound enters you. You know that you have heard sound before but it was never like this. It never made your heart reverberate. It never shook you in your core. This is simply far different that anything you have ever heard or felt. As your heart beats with a new life from this voice, you begin to feel words. It seems strange to feel words rather than hear them,, but it feels right. As if this is the way that you were supposed to listen.
“I love you” “Adventure awaits” “Your heart was made for this”. Penetrating deeper than you knew you went, and then even deeper still, words that find every nook and cranny of your soul and take up residence there.
The light draws near to you and your knees go weak. You fall to the ground, down onto your knees. You look up to see what will happen and are surprised to see two hands reaching out towards you, hands that look both eternally old and yet young at heart. They reach out to you and pull you close. In the instant that you are held in this embrace, your whole life flashes before your eyes. Moments missed and emptiness chosen, even seconds held so tightly in darkness run through your mind plain as day. But as quickly as each scene of your life is played, it is also wiped away, as if you are back in kindergarten and the teacher is wiping the board. Every minute spent selfishly and every shameful act is taken from you.
You feel a peace that you are unable to describe, a love that you are unable to fathom and a need to share this that will never be fed enough.
Journey towards the possible.
Teej | | |
| The Awakening
Past the pain, and depression, beyond the restrictions of your confining life, you feel something different. There is familiarity to it, as if what is there is something you have always known. It is there on the fringe, obscured by hopeless dreams and dreaming hopes, remaining until you choose to move in its direction. This choice constitutes the awakening. In your heart you know that to go there will be the death of all you have hoped to humanly achieve. But that this choice seems strangely comforting, as if it means you will be going home after a long day.
As you move past the selfishness and pride obscuring this hope, you begin to realize that this pin point light at the end of a tunnel was actually the means to a vast world. You look behind, peering into the darkness and the multitudes that seem to be mindlessly wondering around in it. Yet even as your head turns to look back, you realize that this dark life that you have lived is not worth another second of your strength.
You approach the exit to the tunnel and look out. So much seems possible in the great expanse that awaits. With apprehension building in your stomach you cross the line of shade created by the tunnel into the sunlight. Immediately all of your senses are overwhelmed at a light that approaches. A sound like you have never heard before, but creates the same feeling of familiarity, floods your ears. You know in your very being, that you are hearing for the first time the voice of the one who created you. | | |
| The Existence
You simply exist, nothing more but possible less. Life moves around you, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly. The hustle and flow of interactions seems too much for your mind. Life grinds on, day after day. Never getting to where it is going. It even feels like drudgery just to get up and think about existing for another day. After these laborious thoughts you realize that you have to work. You give your time for money that you only spend to continue this feeble existence, in a job that is meaningless in any kind of grand scheme of anything. You chase after things that you know in the end will not bring any lasting happiness or true reality. You put your hope in money or religion, sex or power. But when the day is done and your head crashes into your pillow, you feel it deep down inside you, that another day has been lived. Another 24 hours have been spent in pursuit of happiness that was not found, and in dreams that turned out empty.
Check back over the next few days as I add to this story.
Journey towards the possible...
T.J. | | |
| For the next while I will be developing an idea that I had. Its a multi part idea that hopefully clears the path that I am trying to walk. The first post is called "the existence"
check it out.
Journey towards the possible...
T.J. | | |
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